Even though we don’t want to admit it, we women know that we are much too liberal with our benefit of the doubt. We slather it on like Banana Boat tanning oil on a hot August afternoon, and the next day we’re whining because we got burnt.
Don’t ask me for analogies first thing in the morning. Eer, afternoon. It’s not my thing.
The worst part about it is that I don’t really think it’s because we are that naive. In fact, women are highly intuitive, but for whatever reason, we often choose to ignore those gut feelings. Especially with guys.
When it comes to relationships, I think one of the best rules you can have is: justification is your enemy. These are some things you should never analyze. If they show up, you need to be done.
1. He’s not into you.
And I’m not really referring to the book here, but please do yourself a favor and read it. A guy who really likes you is interested in you. He’s interested in what you do, what you love, where you’re headed and he wants to be a part of it. He should be front row. Don’t tell yourself that he has a lot of good qualities and so you can compromise the fact that he’s not that into you. You won’t be satisfied in the long run. Walk away, brush up on your confidence and realize that you’re gonna be just fine.
2. He’s mistreating you.
Now I’m not just referring to the obvious universal no-nos like abuse or cheating. Beyond that, each person has a different standard on how they want to be treated. Some girls insist that a guy opens the door, yet other girls find it offensive. The point is that if you are unhappy with how you’re being treated, don’t justify the behavior. If he in any way makes you feel insecure or like you need to change things about yourself, he needs to go. That is a slippery slope and no one who cares for you would ever do that. If he doesn’t make you a priority over his friends, don’t make excuses as to why he’s doing that. If he isn’t connecting with you emotionally, don’t blame it on his childhood and then try to fix him. You cannot change someone’s poor behavior toward you – but you can control whether or not they have that opportunity.
3. He’s ignoring you.
If you so much as THINK about rationalizing why he’s not answering your calls, texts, emails or messages in a bottle, I will hurt you. And it won’t be pretty. His phone didn’t fall off the Golden Gate bridge. He didn’t die in a tragic fire. Here are the only explanations: he’s irresponsible, he’s with another girl, or he doesn’t want to talk to you at the moment – or ever. And it shouldn’t matter to you what the explanation is because responding to a person is the very minimum that should be expected in a relationship – dating or otherwise. Furthermore, what good will it do you to get to the bottom of it? The point is, he’s made his decision and you’re better than that!
If there’s one thing that’s worse than discovering your mom was right, it’s discovering that you were right. Don’t ignore your gut.
Yelling at you because I care,
– College Crush